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Only Human - Why Man Of Steel Divided A Fandom

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NOTICE: In case the title doesn't make it obvious, this article will contain spoilers for the movie Man of Steel as well as several classic Superman comics.  Do not read any further if you have not seen the movie.

Also, A Special Thanks To David Tai for being my sounding board.

  



It's been one week since Man of Steel was released in the United States and tempers are still burning bright.  There are many things about the movie that angered Superman purists but nothing more than the climactic final battle where Superman snaps the neck of General Zod.  The fact that this was done to save the lives of a family after Zod said he wouldn't rest until he'd killed everyone on Earth and that Superman showed immediate remorse for the action didn't matter to these Super-fans.  Superman doesn't kill.  Period.  He always finds a better way.  That's the rule, clear as crystal.

I understand that viewpoint.  Certainly there's plenty of textual evidence for that view of Superman.

* Kingdom Come - one of the greatest comics ever, in my mind - was built around an ideological war between "the man who would kill" and "the man who wouldn't".  A new hero called Magog was the former with Superman being the later.

* What's So Funny About Truth, Justice And The American Way?pits Superman against The Elite - a quartet of reckless young superheroes who have no qualms about killing.  In the end, Superman proves that his moral code does not make him weak as he wins a duel against The Elite without resorting to lethal force.

* Whatever Happened To The Man Of Tomorrow had Superman willingly exposing himself to Gold Kryptonite - the kind which permanently removes a Kryptonian's superpowers - after he was forced to kill Mr. Mxyzptlk in order to save all of reality.  Why?  The panel below says it all. 


 
 
This point of view is so deeply entrenched in the oeuvre of DC Comics that a goodly number of twisted alternate realities and dark futures came about directly because of Superman deciding that any act - including killing - was acceptable in the name of saving lives.  To name a few examples, there's the 'Brave New Metropolis' episode of Superman: The Animated Series, the 'A Better World' episodes of Justice League and the recent hit video game Injustice: Gods Among Us.  That would seem pretty cut and dry except there are also many examples of Superman killing that are just as much a part of canon as these previous examples

* Superman killed Doomsday before his own apparent death in The Death of Superman.

* In Final Crisis, Superman destroys the essence of the god of evil, Darkseid, by singing a song of hope that counters the vibrational frequency of Darkseid's life force.

* Superman killed multiple alien invaders in Secret Origins - the three-part pilot episode that opened the Justice League animated series (Go to 6:51 on this video if you don't believe me).

* Superman also ensured the death of General Zod and two other murderous Kryptonians in the Superman comics of John Byrne.

 
 
Heck, depending on how you define "Life" Superman may be a killer hundreds of times over.  Do sentient machines count as life?  Superman seems to think to given his treatment of The Red Tornado in the classic Justice League of America comics and Tomorrow Woman from Grant Morrison's JLA run.  So how do you justify every time he's ripped apart Brainiac or Amazo over the years?

Ultimately, this sort of nit-picking is pointless.  This goes beyond comics to a serious philosophical and spiritual truth - is it just to take a life in order to save another?  Examples can be given to justify both sides of the argument as valid and the history of Superman is such that both sides have a good case purely on a textual level.  And any examples given will be countered by people insisting that the other examples don't count for one reason or another.  And that's fine!  There's room for both of us in the fandom!  Some people want Superman to be the perfect example for all humanity to follow.  Others prefer to allow Superman the same latitude for lethal force as a police officer.

I fall into the later group, personally.  I don't have any problem with the idea of Superman killing for the same reason I don't have a problem with a soldier killing in the line of duty.  It's unfortunate and regrettable and it should always be the last resort but sometimes it is necessary.  I also recognize that there is a world of difference between killing and murdering.  Now, if Superman had ever committed premeditated murder, I'd object to it strongly.  But in that moment, Clark is forced into the role of a soldier and sometimes a soldier must kill to save lives.


What I find fascinating is that this outcry has erupted over Superman and Man of Steel in a degree that I don't recall for any other superhero movie in recent memory.  Batman is just as well known for having a personal code against killing as Superman.  Indeed, depending on the era, Batman's code against killing may be even stricter than Superman's!  Yet I don't recall anyone making as much of a fuss over the ending of The Dark Knight, where Batman is forced to kill Harvey Dent in order to save the life of Jim Gordon's son.  And I didn't hear anyone use the phrase "disaster porn" to describe the collateral damage The Avengers caused by taking the fight to Loki's alien army in the middle of Manhattan while numerous people cried foul over Superman's battling Zod in the middle of Metropolis.

I've been thinking about why this is so over the past week because I think it's something deeper than Superman being the first superhero and, as such, the one who should set the standard for all other heroes to approach.  I think it's because of the grand irony behind who Superman is as a character and all the roles he is meant to fulfill.

Simply put, Superman is meant to be simultaneously more than human and more human than human.  He has to look and act like one of us while simultaneously being an alien outsider.  To quote Batman (through the pen of Jeph Loeb in Superman/Batman #3) "It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then ... he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him."

I think that may be the key for some of Man of Steel's detractors.  I think some people want Superman to be a perfect god watching over them - not a flawed man with powers that set him above and apart the common man.  And there lies the grand irony.  We want Superman to be the most human of us all - compassionate, brave, noble, sacrificing - and yet we deny him that most human of traits. Imperfection.

How many sayings and songs are based around the idea of humanity being inherently imperfect?  "To err is human."  “To be human is to be beautifully flawed."  "I'm only human/ Of flesh and blood I'm made / Human / Born to make mistakes."  I could go on but that's ultimately one more debate that's far outside the scope of one column.  


One final thought: Man of Steel succeeds in showing us a Superman who is, in that sense, very human.  He clearly has a hard time during the battle scenes.  And why shouldn't he?  He's a farm boy with no combat training facing down an army of genetically engineered soldiers that were groomed for combat since before birth.  Even though he has a better grasp of how to use his powers, it's still a tentative thing as he never really explored the limits of what he could do.  I personally found that to be interesting and I think it addressed the repeated complaints that Superman is too perfect, too boring and that he never has to work for a victory.

I think that's why this movie was called Man of Steel instead of Last Son of Krypton.  Steel doesn't occur naturally.  It has to be forged - put to the fire and shaped.  Clark Kent can't become The Man of Steel without facing the heat and a beating, so to speak.

Some people say Superman should be perfect and perhaps they're right.  Perhaps this take on Superman has come too close to the Earth he's meant to soar over.  I do think there's one thing we can all agree on, though.  This debate - and all the little debates within that larger debate - are encouraging people to talk about Superman and comics and philosophy.  More, they're actually thinking about these characters and these questions.  And for a librarian who loves the comics medium, Superman and people using their minds, even if I disagree with what they think and what they say, that is a good thing.

Avengers Vs. X-Men The Abridged Version - Parts 1-5

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Want to read the latest big crossovers but lack the patience to sort through tons of tie-ins or the time to read them all?  Let us sum it up for you with our Abridged Versions.




PART ONE

SCENE: The Planet Birj 

 
Nova: In the name of the Nova Corps, I swear I came here to warn your planet of impending doom!

Terrax: I, Terrax - former herald of Galactus - care little for what you lame Green Lantern rip-offs say.  I shall stay and fight this world-destroying menace you speak of.

Nova: Fine.  I'm going to Earth to get some more commercially viable characters to do something about this.

Terrax: Terrax is commercially viable!  Indeed, I have a part in Guardians of the Galaxy!

Nova: Big deal.  So does Yondu.

Terrax: Who?

Nova: Exactly.

Nova flies off to Earth just seconds before The Phoenix Force destroys Terrax and The Planet Birj.  Jim Starlin writes an angry letter to the Marvel home office, which is promptly ignored.



 
 
PART TWO

SCENE: Washington D.C. 


M.O.D.O.K.:
Bwahaha!  AIM rules!

M.O.D.O.K. gets ready to fire his evil science gun.  It suddenly misfires.

M.O.D.O.K.: What?  Something random and unfortunate happened to me?  Who is responsible for this?!

Scarlet Witch: Me.  I'm here to stop you.

M.O.D.O.K.: What the - I thought your powers didn't work like that anymore?!  Aren't you some bad-ass reality warper who got rid of most of the mutants on Earth with a single spell? 

Scarlet Witch: Eh, I think it's down to whoever is writing me at the time.  Either way, I can still kick your ass.

Ms. Marvel: Mind if I join in the ass-kicking?

Spider Woman:
Me too!
 
The Three Heroines beat up M.O.D.O.K. and his AIM mooks.

Ms. Marvel: Good to see you back in action, Wanda

Scarlet Witch: Thanks, Carol.But I should be going. 

Ms. Marvel: No!  You totally should come by The Avengers Mansion and say hi to all the guys! 

Scarlet Witch: I don't think that's a good idea.


They go to The Avengers Mansion.  It is not a good idea.


Vision: Carol, what on Earth made you think I had any desire to see the ex-wife who turned me into a mindless weapon to be used against my friends?  Or that she had any desire to see me and be reminded of why she is no longer a part of our team and a pariah among both the superhero and mutant communities?

Carol: Umm... because we needed to explain why Wanda isn't part of The Avengers anymore and is an outcast among the mutants to all the people who haven't read a Marvel Comic in years and this clumsy, awkward scene that makes me look like a clueless bimbo at best and an emotionally insensitive bitch at worst was the easiest way to accomplish that?

Vision: That does seem logical.

Carol: Dammit!  If anyone needs me, I'll be with Kelly Sue Deconnick figuring out how to retcon this in my book.  Or, at the very least, getting me out of this thong leotard and into a costume with actual pants.

Wanda: And I'll just go somewhere else until I'm needed to become a Deus Ex Machina.  Again.




PART THREE

SCENE: Utopia - The Island Home of The X-Men, Off The Coast Of San Francisco.


Cyclops: Hope!  You are too precious to be going off at night risking your life as a vigilante!

Hope: You're not my dad!  And all appearances to the contrary, despite the artist drawing me as being the spitting image of Jean Grey despite being only 15 years old in this chapter, I'm not your dead wife!

Cyclops: That has nothing to do with why I'm so protective of you!  Even though I've given you a costume that's the exact same color scheme as Jean's!  I'm protective because, as you well know, you are the Mutant Messiah - the last mutant child born on this planet, with amazing powers to manipulate the X-Gene and copy the powers of the mutants around you that we can only begin to understand

Hope: Nice exposition!  But you left out the bit about how you're pretty sure I'm going to become a conduit for some giant cosmic fire-bird called The Phoenix.

Cyclops: Who told you about The Phoenix?

Hope: Why didn't you tell me about The Phoenix?

Cyclops: Well, I didn't think you were ready, but okay.  Hope, there comes a time in every red-haired mutant girl's life, when...

Hope: Gah!  Forget it!  I'm going out.

Hope copies Cyclops' powers and knocks him out with a blast of her own energy blast vision despite it being well established that Cyclops is immune to his own powers.  That's why his blasts don't rip his eyelids to shreds.  She then flies to the mainland with a stolen jet pack.  

No.  Really.

Hope: Looks like a bunch of bad guys are robbing that bank  I must stop them!  For justice!

Serpent Society:
Hey!  It's a teenage girl.  Let's kill her!

Hope:
Before you do that I have to know, are any of you mutants?

Puff Adder:
I am.   

Hope: Oh good.  Because my power only works on mutants.  Otherwise I'm just an ordinary teenage girl.  But I probably shouldn't tell you bad guys that.


 
 
Cyclops and White Queen show up just in time to find Hope beating the unconscious forms of the Serpent Society. 

Cyclops: Hope!  Stop it! 

Hope: Fine.  But I'm not going to lose control when The Phoenix comes for me, like how I lost control of my temper now.

Cyclops: I know.  You're special.  You're going to save us all.

White Queen: Or kill us all.

Cyclops: Either way, you're still special.

White Queen: ... not helping, Scott.

 
 
PART FOUR 

SCENE: Some Unnamed Alien Planet. 

Some Unnamed Alien Planet is blown up by The Phoenix.   It takes all of three pages.



CUT TO: New York City

Thor: Zounds!  Some object is falling from the heavens at great speed!  Avengers Assemble!

Captain America:  Wait!  That's no falling object!  That's Nova!

Ms. Marvel: Who?

Captain America: You know?  The Green Lantern rip-off?

Iron Man: I thought that was Quasar?

Captain America: No, the OTHER Green Lantern rip-off. 



CUT TO: Utopia - The Island Home of The X-Men, Off The Coast Of San Francisco.

Cyclops: You aren't training hard enough, Hope!  You must be ready to fight the humans who want to take away your powers and have the means to do it!

Hope: What the hell?!  Why are you training me so hard now?  Last chapter, you didn't even want me fighting!  Why is it so important I train?

Cyclops:  Don't question me!

Hope: DON'T YELL AT ME!

Hope suddenly bursts into flame, sets Cyclops on fire and sends Cyclops flying.

Hope: What just happened?  What's happening to me?!

White Queen: It looks like you just manifested The Phoenix Force.  Wait... didn't we discuss this last issue?  Why are you confused?


CUT TO: Washington D.C.

Iron Man:
And basically that's it, Mr. President.  Nova told us that The Phoenix is coming.  Our readings have confirmed that as well as the fact that several planets have already been destroyed by The Phoenix. 

Mr. President: So what does that mean, Mr. Stark?

Captain America:
What it means, Mr. President, is that a big world-threatening crossover event is coming.  But this time we want to make sure The Avengers are represented.  That's why I'm seeking out an expert on this Phoenix Force who can tell us what to expect!


CUT TO: Upstate New York - The Jean Grey School For Higher Learning

Wolverine: It's a giant fire bird.  It killed Jean Grey and brought her back.  A few times.  It was kind of a big deal.   

Captain America: Fascinating.  Do we know where it's going? 

Wolverine: All the mutants do.  For some reason.  There's this teenage girl we figured The Phoenix would come for some day.

Captain America: For some reason?

Wolverine: Yep.  Mostly because she looks just like Jean and there's some prophecy or something.  I was busy with something when they were talking about it.  Think I was fighting ninjas in my own book.  Or maybe it was during that mini-series...

Captain America: Will you and your students help me in the fight to come?

Wolverine: No.  I built this school to keep these kids from fighting.

Captain America: That's a shame.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to beat up Cyclops before this is over.

Wolverine: Well, when you put it that way, I'm due for some vacation time.  And I won't even charge you my usual crossover appearance fee.



 



CUT TO: Utopia - The Island Home of The X-Men, Off The Coast Of San Francisco.

Cyclops: So as you all know, it's my belief that The Phoenix is returning to Earth to save The Mutant Race, which has been diminished to 200 people - give or take - and that Hope will be the new Phoenix host.

Namor: Why?

Cyclops: The Phoenix is a force of destruction AND creation and we're way overdue for some creating.

Magneto: In other words, you're making a completely unjustified leap of faith.

Cyclops: Pretty much.  Hey, Captain America's here.

Captain America: Yes, and Logan's told me about this teenage girl you have that you think is going to be the next Phoenix host.  We need to take her into protective custody.

Cyclops: Since when do you get involved in our storylines?

Captain America: Since when do you believe in prophecies?  I thought you were a cool, logical leader who didn't trust to luck?

Cyclops: Well, I thought YOU looked for the good in everyone and trusted people enough to speak directly to them about your concerns instead of getting second-hand information from the ex-assassin who tried to break up my marriage and split the Mutant community!

Captain America: Are we throwing down then?

Cyclops: I guess so.

Cyclops blasts Captain America.

Captain America:  Right.  AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

The SHIELD Helicarrier decloaks as The Avengers swarm Utopia.

Cyclops: Oh crap.



PART FIVE

SCENE: Utopia - The Island Home of The X-Men, Off The Coast Of San Francisco.

All hell breaks loose as the X-Men begin to fight back against the invading Avengers.  This is the closest we get to seeing any of the battles promised in the advertising leading up to this event, though we don't get to see most of the battles promised and none of them last for more than a few panels at a time.
 

Also, none of the fighting takes place in Paris. 
 
 
Wolverine:  Much as I'd love to join Cap in slapping Slim around, I've got to end this the only way I know how - kill Hope.

Hope: You can try.

Hope catches on fire.

Wolverine:
Oh crap!

Hope sets Wolverine on fire and runs away.



CUT TO: Space.  The Final Frontier.


A group of Avengers hovers in space.

Thor:
Here it comes, Avengers!  Make ready for battle!

Beast: The power level of The Phoenix is offthe charts! 

Vision: Should that truly be surprising to you?  Haven't you studied the Phoenix more than any other scientist on Earth?

Beast: Well, yes.  But haven't you ever heard of dramatic tension?

Ms. Marvel: Here it comes!

Thor: Methinks this be a mighty cliff hanger!

World's Finest #13 - A Review

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It's sad that with the wide variety of art teams that have worked on this book over the past year, that DC Comics would decide to abandon the idea of having different teams illustrate the portions devoted to Huntress and Power Girl on their own and opt to have the worst of all possible teams start illustrating the whole book.   I can usually ignore artwork I don't enjoy for the sake of a good story.  Yet even I couldn't look past the artistic flaws in World's Finest #13 to enjoy what would have, in the hands of a better art team, been a damn fine issue. 


To be quite blunt, Robson Rocha's figures are distorted to Liefeldian proportions.  Individual panels may look decent enough but any attempt to depict figures in motion results in lines warping in ways that suggest an oil painting that got wet and began running.  Robson's faces also look oddly spaced, with the area around noses and between eyes looking distorted and strange. 

These problems are only aggravated by Wayne Facher, who I contend is the laziest inker in comics today.  There are many panels where the only detailing went into the backgrounds and the figures just barely stand out against said backgrounds.  There's even one point where the lines detailing the leg-holes of Power Girl's leotard go uninked and only the attention of the colorist presents Power Girl with the appearance of clothing in the far shot!


With all respect to Paul Levitz, whose continuing tale of two heroines investigating the mystery of a continued Apokolyptian presence on Earth One has been nothing but exciting, I can no longer continue to purchase this title.  It is clear to me that the art team doesn't give a damn about providing quality work.  As such, I can't give a damn about supporting this title anymore. 

The Ocean At The End Of The Lane - A Review

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It would be all too easy for me to say that The Ocean At The End Of The Lane is a good book and that people who have enjoyed Neil Gaiman's writing in the past will enjoy this book as well.  It would be true but it wouldn't actually tell you anything about the book.  Nothing useful, anyway.  Not what the sort of people who read book reviews would call useful.
 
Thinking on it, that's the laziest sort of writing for a critic to indulge in, isn't it?  A "For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they would like" sort of thing?  And yet I struggle to think of a better way of describing this book without using phrases like "This novel is built around a typical Gaiman conceit".  As if anything involving Neil Gaiman could ever be "typical"!

While I'd never sully this book with a word like "typical", it would be fair to say that we've seen Gaiman use some of these props before.  Yet like the improvisational artists who turn unlikely objects into other unlikely objects as part of a skit, Gaiman plays with his toys in entirely different ways this time around.  There is a trio of women, for instance, who will draw inevitable comparisons to The Maiden, The Mother and The Crone of Sandman but are most definitely NOT witches or The Fates.  Precisely what they are is open to interpretation, as is much of this novel.  There's also a character who may well be the closest we ever get to seeing The Doctor from Doctor Who as an eleven-year-old girl with reddish-brown hair.  Still not a proper ginger, yet.  Sorry Doc. 

Likewise, the basic plot - largely told in flashback - seems reminiscent of Coraline at first, in that it deals with the magic of childhood.  And by "the magic of childhood", I mean the sinking sensation in the back of your head at all times up until you discover boys and/or girls that adults know a lot of things you don't and yet there are monsters in the world that only you can see hiding in the shadows and that they're just waiting for the right moment to eat your body, your soul or worse.  There's always an "or worse".  You know that too when you're a child.
 
There's also several cats.  Cats are nice.  Unlike Coraline, none of the cats talk in this book.  At least, not to the people.  Not with words, anyway.  Not with telepathy either, but I wouldn't put it past Gaiman to include a telepathic cat in some story in the future.  
 
You can have that one for free, Neil.  I don't mind.
 
In the end, there is little I can say about this book that wouldn't give away the whole game except for a few short sentences.  It's a modern fantasy.  It's about the magic of childhood, by which I mean horrible things happening to children that should never happen to children, as viewed through the lens of maturity.  There's cats, a clever girl, a well-meaning boy who prefers books to people, a wide variety of monsters and a threat to the whole universe and maybe even something bigger!

In short, it's the sort of story that you'll enjoy if you're the sort of person who enjoys Neil Gaiman stories. And I did enjoy it.  Perhaps that is all that needs be said.
 

Avengers Vs. X-Men The Abridged Version - Parts 6-8

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Want to read the latest big crossovers but lack the patience to sort through tons of tie-ins or the time to read them all?  Let us sum it up for you with our Abridged Versions.





PART SIX

SCENE: Utopia - The Island Home of The X-Men, Off The Coast Of San Francisco.


Wolverine, nearly burned beyond all recognition, suddenly sits up screaming. 

Spider-Man: Good morning to you too, Crispy Critter.

Wolverine: What happened?

Spider-Man: You were going to kill Hope.  She set you on fire and ran for it.

Wolverine: That's right... starting to remember now...




Wolverine: You were a REAL big help during that fight...

Spider-Man: Uh, I'll handle the sarcasm, thank you.

Wolverine: So what happened after that?

Spider-Man: Well, after they found out Hope ran off, all the X-Men surrendered.  Right now they're all on the Hellicarrier.  I think Cap and Tony are still trying to figure out what to do with them.

Wolverine: Oh hell....

Spider-Man: What?

Wolverine: Didn't you see Avengers?

Spider-Man: Of course.

Wolverine: What's the only reason anyone ever surrenders themselves into SHIELD custody? 

Spider-Man: .. like a great man squid once said, It's a trap!



CUT TO:The Deck Of The SHIELD Hellicarrier

Captain America: I don't care if the UN does recognize them as a sovereign nation -

Iron Man: Which they don't.  Cap, I agree with you.  But they haven't broken any laws!

Captain America: That doesn't mean we can't lock them up so they're out of the way while we find this Phoenix Girl.

Iron Man:  I'm sorry... am I talking to Steve Rogers or John Walker?  Because the Captain America I know would never advocate locking up people who hadn't committed a crime.  And I can't tell you how much it scares me that it's ME having to point this out to you!


Dr. Strange suddenly appears, carrying Magik.  He hovers next to Cyclops.



Dr. Strange:  Hey, Scott!  Here's Magik - safe and sound.  I have her in a holding spell.  Nothing to worry about.

Wolverine: HEY!

Cyclops: Oh crap. Magik!  Backdoor!


The X-Men all disappear as "Magik" turns into Dr. Strange.


Captain America: What the -?

Dr. Strange: I'm sorry, Steve.  She overwhelmed me when I followed her into her realm.  The illusion spell masked us both until she was in position to teleport herself and her comrades away.

Captain America:
Wait?  So the only reason they surrendered...

Wolverine: ... was to get all their leaders in one place so they could escape at the same time!



CUT TO: Long Beach


Cyclops: Nice job, Magik. Now, to think of a plan.

Magneto: That grand escape wasn't part of a plan?

Cyclops: No, believe it or not I'm just making it up as we go along.  I suppose we should try and win allies among all the X-Men who were teamed up with Logan, now that the US Government and The Avengers have turned on Mrutantkind.  And we should probably try and get a hold of his Cerebra unit so we can track down Hope.

White Queen: Do you think she's alright? 

Cyclops: Are you kidding?  She's probably besides herself!  Poor girl just got run out of the only home she's ever known.  And she's never been out on her own before.  She's probably hiding somewhere, waiting for us to find her.


CUT TO: An Electronics Shop In San Francisco.


Hope works on some metal device that straps on to her wrist.

Hope: There!  A working Pip-Boy 3000!  Now, to program on the Wristlojackimator app!



CUT TO: Avengers Tower, Manhattan Island.


Wolverine is on the phone with Rachel "Phoenix" Summers while Captain America listens in.

Wolverine: What do you mean she's in five places at once?

Rachel Summers: Just that.  Her energy signature is in five different locations - all of them hard to get to.  I can't get Cerebra to narrow it down further than that.  

Captain America: We need better than that!  If we don't find that girl before The Phoenix gets here, the entire planet is doomed!

Rachel Summers: That's a slight exaggeration, isn't it?  I mean, I've been tapping into the Phoenix Force for years -

Captain America hangs up the phone.

Wolverine: What the hell, Steve? 

Captain America: I don't have time for words, Logan!  We've wasted enough time talking!  And I don't listen to killers.  Now,where is it we're sending our people to look for this girl?

Wolverine: Wundagore Mountain, Latveria, Tabula Rasa, Wakunda and... The Savage Land?  Don't we need to contact the UN to get approval to go into some of these places?  Or at least call ahead?

Captain America: No time!  Avengers Assemble!

Wolverine: Huh.  How did I become the calm, reasonable one?



CUT TO: Upstate New York - The Jean Grey School For Higher Learning


Rachel Summers (telepathically): Scott, can you hear me?

Cyclops (telepathically):
Yep.  Got something for me?

Rachel Summers (telepathically): Yeah, but you'd better hurry.  The Avengers are already on the move.  So, when we find Hope, do you want me to talk to her?  Because I could totally use my experience...

Cyclops (telepathically): Ring Ring!  Oh, sorry, Rachel. I have Emma on the other line.

Rachel Summers (telepathically): ... did you really just think the words "Ring Ring" at me?

Cyclops (telepathically): Dammit, Emma!  Cut me out now!  Now!



CUT TO: Avengers Quinjet, En Route to The Savage Land


Captain America:
Let's talk, Logan.  Alone.  Out on the loading dock.

Wolverine:
Uh... okay.  About what?

Captain America: About you trying to kill this girl.  About you not following orders.  About how I don't think I can trust you.  You're sitting this one out. 

Wolverine: Bit late to be talking about this when I'm already here, ain't it?  Besides, you weren't there!  You weren't there to see what happened to Jean! You may think you can lock this girl up somewhere but you can't! 

Captain America: Damn it!  I didn't want it to come to this, but you're not listening!




Captain America tries to punch Wolverine.  A fight breaks out.

Wolverine: You can't win this alone, Cap.

Captain America: I think I can... but I don't have to.

Giant Man sneaks up behind Wolverine and smacks him across the back of the head.

Wolverine: Gah!  Why didn't I smell-

Captain America smacks Wolverine across the face with his shield.

Captain America: Now, Sharon! 

Sharon Carter opens the bay doors.  Wolverine is sucked out of the plane and falls into the Antarctic wasteland.

Wolverine: Not again!



PART SEVEN

SCENE: Antarctica. 

A polar bear crawls toward a beer can.  We eventually see that it is Wolverine, wearing the bear's carcass as a coat/shelter.  This is simultaneously badass and stupid.






Wolverine sees another can, following the trail of beer cans to a jet.

Hope:
Hello, Logan.

Wolverine: Goodbye, Hope.  SNIKT!

Hope: Wait!  You can't kill me!

Wolverine: If you think I'll spare you just because you brought me beer.... wait, how did you get beer?

Hope: Where did you get a bear skin?  We're in the Antarctic!  There's no polar bears here!

Wolverine: I'm asking the questions, here girlie!

Hope: Okay, fine.  I have a fake ID.  Seriously, I show up in a stolen plane and your first question is how I got beer?

Wolverine: Fair enough.   Listen, you don't ask about the bear skin, I don't ask questions about the plane OR how the hell you found me and I'll give you one minute to give me a reason not to kill you.


CUT TO: Space.  The Final Frontier.


Thor: Zounds!  That cliff-hanger was so long it skipped an entire issue!

Beast: Yes, we're still here!  And - oh dear - so is The Phoenix!

The Phoenix blows everyone up.  Thor watches helplessly as The Phoenix devours another planet.


Thor: Methinks... we could have planned that better... ugh....


CUT TO: Antarctica 


Wolverine: Clock is ticking.

Hope: I think I can control the Phoenix.

Wolverine: I know you can't.

Hope: But don't I deserve the chance to try in case you're wrong?  Look, you help me get off the planet and I'll let you kill me if it turns out The Phoenix is more than I can handle.

Wolverine: Okay.  Fine.  It will take the length of a flight for this beer to thaw anyway.



CUT TO: A Former Hellfire Club Safe House.


Cyclops: Have you found her yet, Emma?  What do you see?

White Queen:
Our people fighting their people,Scott.  It's really quite tedious.

We're treated to one page for each of the five locations Hope's signal has been detected.  Everyone is fighting everyone else, but we don't actually get to see the result of any of these fights except Captain America knocking Gambit out with one punch.

White Queen:
I'm just going to listen to Captain Amercia's thoughts.  Once he knows where she is, we'll know.



Captain America (over phone):
Have you got The Phoenix Killer done yet, Tony?

Iron Man (over phone): Working on it.  Good news is Beast, Reed, T'Challa and even Hank Pym think this will work.

Captain America (over phone): Even Hank Pym.  That's cute.

Iron Man: I am Irony Man.

Captain America (over phone):  Hold on, Tony.  Please contact all the other teams and tell them to head back to base.  We know where the girl is going!

White Queen: They found her!



CUT TO: The Blue Area Of The Moon


Wolverine: Good thing I knew about an AIM base with a rocket that was launching today.

Hope: I know.  That was lucky!

Captain America: Well, this is where your luck ends, little lady.

Hope: What the - Logan, you sold me out!

Wolverine: I promised to get you off-planet.  That's as far as it goes, kid.  You can't handle this.

Hope: So you're going to just hand me over to the people who left you for dead in Antarctica?

Wolverine:  Hey, yeah!

Wolverine is blasted by Cyclops, who shows up along with White Queen, Colossus, Namor and Magik.

Cyclops: I miss doing that.  But this this is no time for nostalgia.  Hope, you're coming with us.

Captain America:
Like fun she is!

Hope: Look!  The Phoenix is here! 




Everyone: Oh crap!


 
PART EIGHT

SCENE: The Blue Zone Of The Moon



All Hell Breaks Loose as The Phoenix latches on to Hope as everyone fights everyone else. 

 Hope: No!  I can't contain it!  Logan... kill me!

Wolverine:
... I'll try!

Cyclops:
NOOOOOOOOOO!

Cyclops blasts Wolverine again as Iron Man arrives piloting what looks like a Transformer with Iron Man's color scheme. 

Iron Man:
Alright!  Let's do this!  Woo-hoo!

Quick montage of The Avengers looking on dumbfounded, a man who isn't a Vorlon saying "And so it begins again...", Professor X getting a headache along with his son and Scarlet Witch losing control of her powers.  Then Iron Man flies his new suit right through The Phoenix as everything explodes.  Again.

Iron Man: Hey, Steve!  Did it work?  I couldn't see anything through the flash of light!

Captain America: Uh... maybe?

Captain America looks up to see five figures on fire.  It is Cyclops, White Queen, Namor, Magik and Colossus in new versions of their costumes. 


Cyclops: I hate to say I told you so, Captain-

Captain America: No, you don't!

Cyclops: You're right.  I don't.  In fact, I love it.  But we were right.  The gift of The Phoenix was meant for her.  Not us.  You people did something... to it.  And now she... now WE are The Phoenix.

Captain America: Dammit, Tony!

Iron Man: In my defense, it's probably totally Hank Pym's fault.

Giant Man: Hey!

The Phoenix Five: It matters not.  Now we shall take her home to heal.  And then we shall heal the world.  We will evolve society and build a better tomorrow.

Captain America: Dammit, quit talking like hippies!  Besides, the young lady has made her decision and she stays with us.

Wolverine:
Technically, her decision was for me to kill her.

Captain America: Shut up, Logan!

Wolverine: Hey, Tony?  Are we sure he isn't a Skrull?

The Phoenix Five take off and fly for Earth.

Conan The Barbarian #17 - A Review

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Conan The Barbarian #17 continues the tale of Conan and his lover, the pirate queen Belit, sharing a vision while strung out on Yellow Lotus.  Their shared vision is lavishly illustrated by artist Davide Gianfelice and colorist Dave Stewart.  The later paints a vivid palette across the intricate designs of the former, giving us visions of Conan and Belit's past that are both horrible and beautiful in equal measure. 


The script by Brian Wood focuses a bit more on Belit this time around, showcasing her own internalized fears and personal conflicts in the wake of recent events.  Wood deserves high praise for devoting so much of this series toward showing things from Belit's perspective.  Of course the tale is Conan's and it is his name in the title of the book but we already know well of Conan's thoughts and feelings of his time with Belit based on the original Howard story Queen of the Black Coast.  And while Howard did write a fair bit about Belit's perspective and thoughts (Indeed, Belit is easily one of Howard's most well-developed heroines) the fact remains that Conan dominated their time together on the page, despite their relationship clearly being one of equals.  


My comments on last month's issue remain equally valid this month.  The artwork by Davide Gianfelice and Dave Sewart looks amazing but your enjoyment of the story will be entirely dependent on your ability to enjoy psychodrama in the realm of Hyboria.  Those who can get past the fact that this story takes place entirely with the realm of dreams and feelings will find their blood-lust sated, for this issue has action and adventure aplenty.  It just happens to also have Conan and Belit trying to work past their relationship problems at the same time.

Doctor Who #10 (IDW Vol. 3) - A Review

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Picking up right where last month's issue left off,  Doctor Who #10 continues this dramatic steampunk storyline as our heroes find themselves trapped in a strange empty void with no ground and few safe zones.  The Doctor seems to have been trapped for slightly longer than Clara, claiming he has been working as "The Smith" who fixes all the broken things for about three years.  Of course that's a drop in the bucket for a Time Lord - he's far more concerned about the fact that his best efforts to find the TARDIS (let alone summon it) have proven unsuccessful. 



The script by Andy Diggle and Eddie Robson is full of the wit and humor one would expect of a story featuring the Matt Smith version of The Doctor.  More, there's an honestly engaging mystery at the heart of the main plot, to say nothing of the subplot involving the secret mission of the American pilots Clara befriended.  The fast pace of this issue more than makes up for the slow start last month, as we see The Doctor coping with the multiple mysteries as well as the hostile aliens who run the local Black Market.


Andy Kuhn's gritty art style matches the story perfectly in it's dirty but straightforward simplicity.  Best known for his work on the series Firebreather, Kuhn's artwork isn't pretty but it is full of detail and character.  That's not usually my cup of tea, but for this story it works.

Larfleeze #1 - A Review

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I remember a colleague on Twitter asking earlier this week if there was really a demand for a book starring Larfleeze - The One and Only Orange Lantern of Avarice.  I highly doubt it and I say that as someone who has generally been amused by Larfleeze's appearances in the pages of Geoff Johns' Green Lantern.  Sadly, this first issue gives me little optimism for this book having a long life.


Your enjoyment of this story comes down to one important question - are you a fan of the Keith Giffen & J.M. Dematteis Justice League series?  If the answer is yes then you will love this book.  Larfleeze is basically Chuck Jones' Daffy Duck (i.e. I'm a coward, but I'm a GREEDY little coward) with the power to back up his laughably overblown opinion of himself.  He is joined by a new comedic foil - an alien slave, er butler who plays the L-Ron to Larfleeze's Maxwell Lord. 

Most of the plot of this issue (what little of it there is) has Larfleeze retelling his life's story to his current slave - er, butler - as he waits for an inevitable death on the edge of the universe.  How he got to this point is unexplained but I'd wager it has something to do with Larfleeze's making war on The Green Lantern Corps in the pages of Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps in this month's issues of those titles.  Way to kill the suspense, editors! 


The artwork of Scott Kolins is equally divisive.  Either you like it or you don't and I most assuredly don't.  Kolins underinks his work to a ludicrous degree given the intricacy of his line-work.  This problem is only aggravated by Kolins' regular colorist Mike Atiyeh, whose efforts at providing a "tint" to a scene generally leave everything nearly the same color.  There are several points where only Kolins' habit of highlighting important figures with a thicker black line than everything else save the characters from blending into the background entirely.

Bottom Line?  I won't be back next month and if I can't be sold on this title I doubt even the rest of the Green Lantern family of books will be able to prop it up long.     

Hawkeye #11 - A Review

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This month's issue of Hawkeye, like last month's issue, sees Matt Fraction and David Aja playing with the idea of how graphic fiction works.  However, this issue is very different from Hawkeye #10, which played with stories being told through multiple viewpoints, with ideas being introduced out of sequence.  This month's issue, by contrast, is told entirely from the perspective of Lucky a.k.a. Pizza Dog a.k.a. Arrow a.k.a. Hawkeye's Dog.



The only story I can think of that has attempted to tell this kind of story in quite the same way is the episode of The Simpsons where Bart took his dog to obedience school and we were treated to a dog's eye view of the world, with everything rendered in black and white and all human language depicted as a series of drones except for certain key words. The language is treated in a similar fashion here but Lucky's perspective is further augmented by pictograms depicting what Lucky smells and hears that the humans around him miss.  It turns out they miss a lot and Lucky has a run-in with his former owners in the Pottsylvanian Mafia trying to investigate a murder that occurred right under Clint Barton's nose.  


This is, to put it simply, a brilliant idea and it is very well-executed graphically and textually.  I imagine dog lovers - even those who aren't usually comic readers - might get a kick out of this story, just for the novelty value.  The one flaw?  The final scene, which would really have benefited from having the full dialogue that Matt Fraction writes so well.  What happens is clear but I really want to know the exact words that are said!

Justice League Of America #4 & #5 - A Review

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WARNING: SPOILER HEAVY REVIEW.


I resisted reviewing Justice League of America #4 last month, during the height of some rather heated discussion during a major controversy.  The subject of "fridging" (i.e. killing off, depowering or otherwise causing bad things to happen to a female character purely to create drama for a male character) had come up and this time the victim was Catwoman - apparently killed in action as she was infiltrating the hideout of the Secret Society of Super-Villains.  I say apparently because I suspected from the start that the death would be some kind of fake-out. 

Why?  Well, I couldn't discuss the clues without spoiling the whole story but there was some cynicism at play as well.  You can't kill off a major character well-known to the public without the comic publisher releasing a press release these days and Catwoman's "death" took everyone completely off-guard.  If they were really going to kill off Selina Kyle, they would have made a bigger deal about it.

I was also reluctant to review the book because I disagreed with discussing the "death" and labeling it as a fridging, because the larger part of the issue lacked the unsubtle sexism that lies at the heart of every fridging I've ever seen.  For the majority of the issue, I thought Catwoman was portrayed as the adaptable badass she should be.  She was able to free herself from captivity easily enough and was continuing her mission without needing to be rescued by the team that was coming in after her.  She even took down one super-villain by herself before superior numbers proved her undoing.


After being captured, Catwoman tried to play off of the fears of her captors, knowing as well as Batman that criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot.   She said that killing her would only bring Batman down upon them like a ton of bricks.  To her surprise, this gamble achieved the opposite of what she wanted..  The leader of the villains said that getting Batman's attention was their entire goal just before shooting Catwoman in the head.

I didn't consider this scene to be a fridging by the technical definition.  While the bad guys said that killing her was a means toward creating drama for a male character (i.e. kill her to make Batman angry) they had just as much reason to kill Catwoman for what she had done and what she had seen as a result of her actions throughout the issue.  Annoying Batman was just a bonus.  

Now, I DID find the artwork and layout of the scene to be incredibly exploitative.  The final shot of a dead Selina was particularly disturbing, being almost fetishistic in how it was drawn by artist Brett Booth. And yet, I resisted writing a review and condemning the book on that point because it didn't add up.  I couldn't believe that Geoff Johns - who is usually so good about avoiding this sort of thing in his writing - would allow the fridging of a major heroine this early in a major storyline.  Particularly given that another major subplot of Justice League of America #4 involved Stargirl's rebelling against her assigned role as the team's poster-girl/spokesperson and sneaking along on an actual combat mission.



As you can see from the above scan, Justice League of America #5 rewarded my faith.  Stargirl kicks major ass and proves her worth to the team beyond Public Relations.  And I shan't spoil how but rest assured that Catwoman is alive and kicking and the rumors of her death have been greatly exaggerated.  I'm still not too crazy about how the fake-out was milked but I must admit some honest surprise at the resolution, despite some foreshadowing that was obvious in retrospect.      


The back-up story by Matt Kindt, focusing upon the origins of The Martian Manhunter is impressive as well.  Kindt has revamped the origin somewhat, changing the specific cause of death for the entire Martian race and giving The Martian Manhunter a new means of traveling to Earth.  Issue #4 gives us a look at a Martian culture that is truly alien yet instantly recognizable and sympathetic once it is lost.  Issue #5 has him following the trail of the killer to Earth and discovering a malevolent telepath who may prove to be his greatest enemy ever.  Issue #4 and Issue #5 have different art teams, but they're both top-notch and incredibly good.



Bottom Line: If you were scared away from Justice League of America because of any fears of sexism, I'd say you should give it a shot.  I'm not happy about how the otherwise skillful Brett Booth laid out the aforementioned scene but otherwise I found his art to be quite good.  Apart from that one Trigger-Warning worth scene, there's nothing objectionable in this book and between Stargirl, Catwoman, Katana and Amanda Waller there's a lot for lovers of strong female characters to enjoy.  Now, if only it had Black Canary too...

Red Sonja Unchained #3 - A Review

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In truth, I can think of only one glaring flaw with Red Sonja Unchained #3.  Namely that when you have a book with a title like Red Sonja Unchained, you shouldn't have Red Sonja in bondage on the cover.  It smacks of false advertising, no matter how ready she seems to break the chains and start delivering grievous bodily harm upon whoever chained her up in the first place! 


The plot thickens from last issue, with Sonja and her current employer - the scholar Merisan - selling off the journal Sonja retrieved from a deadly tomb.  The two have a good working relationship but an easy life playing bodyguard for a librarian doesn't sit well with the adventurous Sonja.  Luckily - or unluckily from another point of view - Sonja's life quickly ceases being easy and Sonja must cope with the latest gang of bounty hunters seeking the latest price on her head as well as the magical curse she unwittingly acquired.  


The script by fantasy author Peter V. Brett is exciting and well-paced.  I think this may be one of the few sword-and-sorcery stories (let alone Red Sonja stories)  I've ever read that passes the Bechdel TestJack Jadson matches the material with his artwork, proving a great illustrator of expressions as well as action.  If you've never read a Red Sonja comic before, this mini-series would be a fine one to start with.   

Justice League #21 - A Review

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Justice League #21 is entirely devoted towards Shazam, wrapping up the origin story for Billy Batsonin the New 52 Universe.  There is little I can say about this issue without spoiling it - and one of the biggest surprises in recent memory.  Suffice it to say my attitude towards this revamp has done a 180 and I would gladly buy a monthly Shazam series if Geoff Johns and Gary Frank were the creative team.

 

What prompted this change?  Oddly enough, it was a combination of one inspiring moment in this book and my thoughts on the Man of Steel movie and what characters mean to different people.  I had always associated the character of Captain Marvel and Billy Batson with the honesty and innocence seen in stories such as Kingdom Come and the Clash episode of Justice League Unlimited. Yet on reflection, I found that all of the appearances of Billy Batson in the comics that I liked (chief among them Geoff Johns' JSA) depicted a character who was idealistic despite lacking any illusions of the world being a fair place!  Looking at this issue, I realized that the defining characteristic of Billy Batson isn't innocence - it's optimism.  And there's a world of difference between the two.

Likewise, Billy's role is not that of the wide-eyed innocent.  He is the dream come true of every little guy held down by someone bigger.  He is every person who was ever bullied and wished, if only for a second, that they could turn the tables.  Curious then that so many of his enemies (indeed, all but one in this story) are victims of bullying who ally themselves against Billy due to their jealousy of what he is.  Dr. Sivana is a geeky scientist who longs for the magical power Billy inherited.  Black Adam is an ex-slave who fears losing what power he has now that Billy has replaced him as a magical champion.  Even Mister Mind is a victim of size-discrimination in a way.


I think now that restraining this story as the back-up to Justice League hampered it unfairly.  Given an entire issue to shine, it does just that.  The artwork is as amazing as one would expect from Gary Frank.  Geoff Johns' script inspires and entertains.  Hopefully the whole story will be collected in one volume by itself without The Justice League getting in the way. 

King Conan: The Hour of The Dragon #2 - A Review

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Tim Truman's masterful adaptation of Robert E. Howard's The Hour of the Dragon continues in fine form this month.  The action of this issue sees a young King Conan laid low by dark sorcery as his armies are routed by foreign invaders.  Locked away in a dungeon, Conan finds salvation at the hands of Zenobia - a comely slave girl, who has long harbored a crush on the foreign king.


As always, Truman stays close to the original Howard text, his only addition to the story being a framing device wherein an older Conan tells tales to a scribe recording the official history of Conan's reign as King of Aquilonia.  This allows Truman some creative license in his adaptation, deepening the character of Conan in ways the original text does not allow.  I'm not sure the word "sentimental" can be applied to Conan but I'm hard pressed to think of another word to describe any man who still carries the knife that was given to him by his future wife long after her death.


The artwork by Tomas Giorello and Jose Villarrubia is also as impressive as ever.  Giorello's dirty yet detailed style is a perfect choice for depicting the harsh world of Hyboria.  The gloomy yet vivid palette chosen by Villarrubia further heightens the glorious wonder of Giorello's penicls and inks.  

Justice League Dark #21 - A Review

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Despite having greatly enjoyed Jeff Lemire's recent work on Green Arrow and Constantine, I haven't read any Justice League Dark since he and Ray Fawkes took over the title.  I only picked up this month's issue after being informed by my Friendly Local Comic Book Guy that it tied into the upcoming Trinity War.  It doesn't.  At least not in any way that is immediately obvious.


Thankfully Fawkes and Lemire make this issue surprisingly accessible despite it apparently being the final issue of a longer storyline.  I still wouldn't recommend it to new readers as I probably would have had a harder time following the action of this issue if I weren't already familiar with the characters involved.  Still, the script here is well-written and engaging.  Heck, I even overcame my general antipathy for Barry Allen in this issue, finding it fun to watch the science-minded speedster having to run around a mystical threat.   


One thing about this book that hasn't changed since the last time I glanced through it is the artwork, which continues to be some of the best in the business.  Mikel Janin is a phenomenal artist who fits an amazing amount of detail into each panel without making things cluttered or dirty.  Reportedly inker Vicente Cifuentes handled the finishes on the final half of the book but I didn't see any difference between the two halves.  Either Cifuentes is an incredibly skilled inker who was able to match Janin's stule perfectly or someone in the credits department of DC Comics is a liar.  I lean toward the former explanation, given Cifuentes' similar stellar work on matching Ed Benes' inking style on Batgirl.

On the whole, I was impressed with this issue and am starting to wonder if I made a mistake in not covering it sooner.  I'll definitely be following it through The Trinity War.  Perhaps even after that. 

Injustice: Gods Among Us #24 & #25 - A Review

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I love this book.  No matter how uneven the artwork may be at times due to the rotating art teams, this is still a title I look forward to reading every week.  There's a few reasons for this but the chief one is that with so many cardinal rules of what should happen in a DC Comics storyline being broken as this story progresses it's almost impossible for me to guess what may happen next.  That's something that's largely lost in these days of Internet exclusives, Diamond Previews and superhero deaths being announced a day in advance on the cover of USA Today.


I can't deny there's an element of nostalgia behind my love of this book as well.  Though I've tried to be positive about The New 52 and have enjoyed some of the titles to come out of it, the vast majority of it leaves me indifferent at best and annoyed at worst.  No matter how much I might enjoy what Jeff Lemire does with his take on Green Arrow, it still doesn't change the feeling I have that Oliver Queen should have a beard and remind me of George Carlin every time he opens his mouth to point out the stupidity of the people around him.


The irony is that in presenting us with this view of a dark future where Superman makes killing the bad guys his first attack rather than a last resort and a cult of Superman worshipers sacrifice petty crooks in the name of their savior, writer Tom Taylor also pays tribute to The Silver Age of Comics when such things would have been unimaginable.  There's lots of nods to the glory days of DC Comics, with Superman and The Flash having a conversation at super-speed in the midst of a battle.  You've got Green Arrow and Black Canary as a couple again, kissing one last time in the face of what they think is certain death.  And I'm not sure precisely how Superman defeats all the Parademon hordes in Issue 24, save that it involves flying very quickly around the world.


As I said before, the art is this book's biggest weakness and it really would benefit from having a consistent art team.  At the very least, it would be better if the art teams rotated every few issues rather than every week.  Mike S. Miller - artist on Issue 24 - is a good artist whose simple designs lends themselves well to big, dynamic battles but tend to look somewhat silly in the smaller scenes of two characters just talking.

By contrast, Bruno Redondo seems to be capable of drawing everything well - action and conversation - in Issue 25.  Sadly, his artwork is ill-served by the coloring team.  The palette used by David Lopez and Santi Casas works against Redondo's inks.  This creates a washed-out, worn look that is completely at odds with Redondo's style.  Compare the work below to Redondo's excellent work on Injustice #5 and I think you'll see what I mean.


Despite all that, I still love this book.  Warts and all.  And barring some truly drastic changes, I'll be reading it until the bitter end.

Knight's End - A Free Verse Poem By Jeremy Williams

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My friend Jeremy Williams wrote this recently and generously gave me permission to share this with the wide world. As a Starman fan, I love it. I think you all will too.




Knight's End

Do you know what it’s like
To be expected since birth
To carry on a dangerous legacy?
Are you imagining the migraine level stress,
The strain on your own identity,
And the explosion of glory IF you succeed?
Well trust me,
It’s just as insane and all encompassing
As you think it is and more.
I’m Jack Knight,
Most of the world called me Starman.

It is a name that recalls old days
When my father wore a suit
That made him look like Superman
Decked out as a Christmas Tree.
The job took its toll;
My father’s sanity,
My brother’s lifeblood,
And it took everything I had
Destroying my job,
Hurting my lovers,
And sending me to space on a quest
To find another to carry
The name I fought under.
I’m still not sure how much say I had
In living the life I took on.

Don’t get me wrong,
I loved every second of it.
Every time I get punched by a villain,
Every time I blasted monsters with
The cosmic energy of my staff,
Every time I got to fly...
I was gifted with the most amazing
View of my beloved Opal City,
The belle of the big cities,
Where shadows are filled with
French quarter influences,
The city who’s police force is
Envied for their honesty and diligence.
Opal City who has yielded me friends
From others who the world fears.
This city hosted the change of a zombie
From destroyer of heroes into a friend.
This city who hosts shadows that hold horrors
Which want to protect the children,
This City that shines bright as a star,
The star in the darkness that my family
Always was to her, our people.
This City that is filled with so much Hope
That you can taste it in the coffee.

I have saved the people and city,
Traveled in time and fought throughout space,
Helped liberate a planet,
And even told Jor-El how to get to Earth.
Yet to this day I count my greatest victory
As making the great and powerful Batman himself
Admit that he had a favorite Woody Allen movie.
I swear to God he even smiled as he named it!

I have been the hero my city needed,
Till I knew I wasn’t needed anymore.
My power lives on,
In a girl I trained beside,
Knowing that she would be more inspiring
As a Stargirl than I ever was as Starman.
But don't ever tell her I said that.

I am currently sitting at a cafe in San Fran,
The woman of my dreams across from me.
I sip some coffee that makes me long for home,
Wondering about how Shade and the O’Dares
Are doing working together for peace.
I am living proof that heroes can retire,
Find a happily ever after that doesn’t end
In the next life past a tombstone.
We don’t have to go down fighting.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it.
The rush of the wind,
The flow of cosmic energy along my limbs,
The life and death thrill was always amazing...
But a normal life is filled with just as many
Adventures, risks, and more to love.
Some heroes can go back to normal life,
And I am glad to be one of them.

But don’t think I don’t have some Cosmic tech
Squirreled away in a pen, a belt, or a cane.
You know, just in case.
After all, even San Fran might need a hero some day.
 

Avengers Vs. X-Men The Abridged Version - Parts 9-11

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Want to read the latest big crossovers but lack the patience to sort through tons of tie-ins or the time to read them all?  Let us sum it up for you with our Abridged Versions.





PART NINE

SCENE: Utopia - The Island Home of The X-Men, Off The Coast Of San Francisco.


Professor X:
Scott, what are you doing?

Cyclops:
Building a better world, like you taught me to.  As we speak, Peter and his sister are solving world hunger.  Namor is arranging for fresh water to be distributed around the world.  Emma is working on building perpetual energy generators for the most impoverished nations in the world.  And since we started talking, I've calculated a permanent cure for male pattern baldness.

Professor X:
Really?  A permanent cure?   Well, that is - what am I saying?  Scott, you can't just give these things to people.

Cyclops: I'm pretty sure I can.  What you mean is that I shouldn't.

Professor X: Yes!  This is all meaningless unless people suffer for it!

Cyclops: Right.  Because being hated for what we are, hunted like animals, locked in concentration camps, recruited as slave labor, forced to live in the sewers, kicked out of our homes, abandoned by our family and friends... to say nothing of all the friends and family we've lost to anti-Mutant violence....NONE of us have suffered nearly enough.

Professor X: When did you get so sanctimonious?

Cyclops: I had a good teacher.


 
 
CUT TO: Avengers Tower

Iron Fist: So we were cornered by these electric alien things.  I thought we were goners.  Then Colossus showed up.

Captain America: Ah.  And no doubt he said something evil and killed them all.

Iron Fist: Actually, he just talked to them.

Captain America: He talked to them... saying evil things before killing them?

Iron Fist: No, he just... listened to their concerns, talked to them and they agreed to become a power source for all of Eastern Europe.

Captain America:
Damn those space hippie firebird people!

Iron Fist: Sorry, Cap.  But I think they're legit on this whole saving the world instead of destroying it thing.

Captain America: Right.  Eggheads, what have you got for me?

Beast: Right now?  Jack and Squat.  And I believe Logan drunk most of the Jack.

Iron Man: Well.. I think I figured out what Pym did wrong.  But so far I can only figure out how to further split the Phoenix Force down until every mutant on Earth is hosting it.

Captain America: That doesn't solve our problem.

Black Panther: Do we really have a problem?  They are doing much to help the world become a better place.

Wolverine: We could have just avoided all this if you'd let me kill the girl earlier.

Beast: Right.  I'm out.
 
Captain America: What's wrong, Hank?  You refuse to work toward killing or hurting your friends?

Beast: That and the fact that - and I can't believe I'm saying this - you've become more insufferably pig-headed than Cyclops!


We're treated to a montage of White Queen and Magik stopping a war, Namor beaching several warships and Colossus getting rid of every nuclear weapon on the planet.  Because there's a law that any superhero who gets phenomenal cosmic power has to get rid of every nuclear weapon on the planet.  Seriously.  They all do it.


CUT TO: K'un Lun - An Hidden Ancient Asian City With Crazy Monks. 
Not created by Grant Morrison, oddly enough.

Monk In Costume: I saw a giant fire bird in the sky.

Old Monk With Eyes In Hand:
Ah yes.  Ancient scroll tells of this.  Iron Fist ineeded to fight The Phoenix. And that is our entire scene this issue..


CUT TO: The White House

The President:  So what you're telling me is that The Phoenix Five appeared before the United Nations and declared themselves the world police?

Iron Man:
Yes.

Black Panther:
That's not entirely accurate.  I remember it like it was a flashback...


 
 
The President: So... basically, they'll prevent our enemies from committing acts of violence against anyone so long as we swear off violence ourselves and devote ourselves toward doing good and making the world a better place?

Iron Man: Uh... yes.

The President: Damn those space hippie firebird people!

Captain America: That's what I said!

The President: Gentlemen, you have my permission to do whatever it takes to stop The Phoenix Five from ending our way of life.


CUT TO: An Avengers Jet Flying Over Utopia


Captain America: Right.  So is everyone clear on this plan?

Hawkeye:
Do the same thing we tried last time we stormed Utopia, what with the kidnapping a teenage girl from the only home she's ever truly known.  Only this time we try it with less people, less resources and pull it off under the nose of five all-knowing cosmic beings who hate our guts?

Captain America:... sure, it sounds stupid when YOU say it.


The Avengers parachute jump out of a moving plane onto Utopia.  They break down a wall and begin beating up mutant teenagers trying to get to Hope.  

Earth's Mightiest Heroes, ladies and gentlemen.
 
 
 

Things go well for The Avengers until The Phoenix Five show up and neutralize them all easily.  

Cyclops: Oh, for the love of... do you have any idea how bad this looks?  Seriously?  We're building a better world and you're beating up children and trying to kidnap Hope against her will.

Hope: Actually, I kinda want to go with them.

Cyclops: No, you don't.  Honestly, I'm surprised Captain.  I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to try storming our home a second time. 

Iron Man: In Cap's defense, I'm pretty sure the beating up children thing was Hank Pym's idea.

Cyclops: Huh.  That figures.  Well, Fun is fun but I can't let this slide.  The only thing that can save you now is an improbable Deus Ex Machina.
 
Scarlet Witch: And... that's my cue. 

 
 
  
All: THE SCARLETT WITCH!
 
Scarlet Witch: Yes.  I've had a vision that this would happen and that it will end badly.  For the sake of everyone, I am taking The Avengers home.  And Hope is coming with me.

Cyclops: Now, hold on -

Scarlet Witch: That was not a request!

 
She blasts Cyclops.  He actually feels it.

 
White Queen: Chaos, Scott... I sense nothing but Chaos Energy around her....

Cyclops: What?  I thought her powers just involved random luck manipulation?!

Scarlet Witch: Eh, depends on whoever is writing me at the time.

 
They disappear.

 
Cyclops: Okay then.  We'll play it your way.



PART TEN

SCENE: New York City

In the time between issues, The Phoenix Five have captured the Avengers Tower and put The Avengers on the defensive.  Cyclops tells everyone about this, because why would we want to see such a daring action sequence in a comic book?  Also, Cyclops describes their other more recent victories, even  though the whole team should know this as a) they were there and b) they're basically omniscient. 

Cyclops: Remember - capturing Scarlet Witch is priority one, but neutralize any Avengers you can!

Magik: Opening a portal now.

Captain America:
It's them!  Attack!  Try and push them towards Wanda.

Vision:
Words not found in vocabulary to describe how distasteful I find her presence.

Scarlet Witch:
I'm not happy to be here either, you know.

Iron Man: Focus, Wanda.  I need you to focus on feeding me data on the Phoenix Energy.

Scarlet Witch: Focus, Tony?  You want me balancing your data AND providing cover fire for our team?  Whose idea was it to have Vision here anyway?  And don't say Hank Pym.

Iron Man: ... Doctor Druid?

Vision gets blasted by X-Men.  This distracts Scarlet Witch, which messes up Tony's readings.  Wanda freezes up and the only thing that saves her is Hawkeye knocking her out of the way before being set on fire before The Avengers get teleported away.  Just a reminder - Scarlet Witch was responsible for Hawkeye dying and he still risked his life to save her because Hawkeye is awesome.  He's also the only Avenger whose done anything heroic in this story so far.  Luckily, the fire only leaves him mostly dead, so The Phoenix Five can heal him before putting him in their brig. 





Namor:
We should start killing them.

Magik: I agree.  Especially Scarlet Witch.

Cyclops: No.  Killing is not our way.  We're supposed to be showing them a better path.  Do you think Captain America is looking for a victory at any cost?


CUT TO: Wakanda

Captain America: We need victories and we need them yesterday.  Tell me what you've got boys.  I want victory at any cost!

Iron Man: Well.. I'm working on another Phoenix Buster armor.  But I need more time and more data to make sure it will work.

Captain America: You've got nothing.

Black Panther: Tony, I can't help but notice that this isn't so much an armored suit as it is a mobile suicide bomb.

Iron Man: Yeah, well I'm responsible for The Phoenix Five coming into being.  Figure if someone should die stopping it...



Black Panther Slaps Iron Man!  It is Super Effective! 

Black Panther: You don't get to kill yourself just because you can't find an answer using super science.  My own abilities come from a combination of mysticism and advanced technology.  I believe a solution to dealing with The Phoenix can be found by exploring the boundary between both.  We must find a solution in the spiritual plane.  

Iron Man: Shyeah, right!  And I suppose a magic portal will just open up with a solution to our problems?


A Magic Portal Opens.  Out steps Iron Fist And The
Monk In Costume from earlier step out.


Iron Fist:
Hey guys!  This is Lei Kung, The Thunderer of K'un Lun - the mystical city of Kung Fu where I -

Iron Man: - have discovered a solution to all our problems?

Iron Fist: Yes! 

Iron Man:
Not a word, T'challa!

Hope and Wolverine get ready to take Hope to K'un Lun so she can learn how to use The Iron Fist to fight The Phoenix.  Meanwhile, Tony discovers some kind of connection between The Scarlet Witch's chaos energy (which she has in this issue) and the Phoenix Force.  Everyone else keeps fighting everyone else until Namor attacks Wakanda with a giant tidal wave and the Atlantean army.

 
 
 
PART ELEVEN

SCENE: Wakanda

Iron Man:
Okay.  Logan, Hope and I will go to the mystical city of Kung FuCap, use the secret weapon when it's time.  Good luck, guys!


All hell breaks loose in Wakanda as the streets flood and Atlantean soldiers begin killing random civilians as Namor rants about being unappreciated. 

 
Black Panther: I will kill Namor for this.

Captain America:
I know Namor.  I'll get him to stop.

Black Panther:
Oh, NOW you want to try talking to them?

Captain America:
Don't you see what he has done here, Panther? 

Black Panther: I see Namor destroying a lot of my native land.

Captain America: Not him!  Cyclops!  Scott Summers has revealed himself.  This is an act of war against innocent people!  This proves us right!

Black Panther: Well, fantastic!  I'm sure that will prove a great comfort to my people..  I shall have the royal dancers create a special "Cap Is Right" dance and hold a parade in the streets of Wakanda for you.  Assuming I still have royal dancers or streets once Namor is done destroying my kingdom!

Captain America: Oh!  Right!  Avengers Assemble!


(PARODIST'S NOTE - Sadly, I'm not altering the dialogue in this scene all that much.)


The Avengers show up and start trying to beat up Namor.  At no point do we see any of them trying to limit civilian casualties or actually save people.



CUT TO: Utopia - The Island Home of The X-Men, Off The Coast Of San Francisco.


Magneto:
I have a riddle for you, Scott - what rules an undersea kingdom, has the power of a god, a bad attitude and is currently decimating Wakunda?

Cyclops: Oh hell...

White Queen:
You should have seen this coming, dear.  He is his own man and he does what he wants.

Cyclops:
Yes, but all those people... all those deaths.

White Queen: 
True.  On the other hand, now we know where all The Avengers we haven't captured yet are. 

Cyclops: To Wakanda!



CUT TO: Wakanda

The Avengers finally knock Namor out... just as the rest of the Phoenix Five show up.  Thankfully, there's a sudden burst of energy that envelopes them all.


Spider-Man: What's going on?  And when did I get here?

Namor:
The power... is going to them.... 

Captain America:  No time to gawk, folks!  This had better work, Tony...

 
Suddenly, The Avengers all disappear.


Colossus: Do you feel that too?

Magik:
Yessss... the power. 

White Queen:
All Namor's power has come to us...

Professor X (telepathically):
SCOTT SUMMERS, YOU WILL STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!

Cyclops:
Stop what?  The destruction of Wakanda?  Not my idea!  And everything I've done to The Avengers came after they broke into our home and beat our children! 

Professor X (telepathically): Stop now or I will stop you.  

Cyclops: ... you can try.


CUT TO:K'un Lun

Thing: Right, so to recap  what Spider-Man somehow overheard Namor say - all his power went to the rest of the Phoenix Folks.  It took all of us to beat ONE of them.  And now the rest of them are more powerful.  So even if we find a way to take the rest of them out one at a time, we're just gonna keep making them more powerful.

Spider-Man:
Sucks to be us, doesn't it?

Avengers Vs. X-Men The Abridged Version - Parts 12-15

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Want to read the latest big crossovers but lack the patience to sort through tons of tie-ins or the time to read them all?  Let us sum it up for you with our Abridged Versions.





PART TWELVE

SCENE: The Mystical City of K'un Lun - A Planned Community.

Spider-Man: So here I am in a mystic city.  For some reason, I'm overseeing Hope's training in the mystic arts of kung fu even though I have no martial arts training and I'm a man of science.  I mean, it's not like I have a bond to a mystic avatar of some lost spider god or something.

Hope: I wish I was out there with the team, trying to free the rest of the Avengers.  I feel so useless here.

Spider-Man:
I feel that way sometimes too.  But sometimes you have to trust that your moment will come and just do what you can with what you have until that time comes...



The most in-character Peter has been written since One More Day.


Suddenly, a portal opens!  Several beat-up Avengers emerge.

Spider-Man: Did we save anyone?

Captain America:
No, in fact even more of us got captured.  Even Thor!

Spider-Man:
Not Thor!



CUT TO: Siberia. 

Colossus and Magik are dangling Thor over an active volcano while several X-Men watch.






Pixie:
Okay - they are TOTALLY being taken over by the Phoenix.

Storm: Agreed.  Namor trying to destroy an entire country is just an average Tuesday.  But Peter playing death games is far too out of character even in a story like this.  You all go into hiding.  I will speak to my husband and let him know that not all the X-Men support The Phoenix Four.


CUT TO: Ethiopia

White Queen: Scott, I asked you to meet me here at the most deserted place on Earth because I think I'm losing control of the Phoenix.  I can read minds without thinking about it now.  I've been looking at so many minds.  I can even sense the Avengers and where Hope is, though they're hidden behind the mystic barriers of the sacred city of K'un Lun.  I'm scared of what I might wind up doing, Scott.  I could end this all now and just kill them all and I think part of me wants to.  Do you know what this means?

Cyclops: Yes.  We can go get Hope back from those jerks in The Avengers!

Cyclops flies off leaving White Queen to mutter to herself.



CUT TO: Wakanda.


Black Panther: You shouldn't be here, Ororo.  I've declared all X-Men enemies of the state.

Storm:
These are still my people, T'Challa.  I would help my husband rebuild our home.

Black Panther:
Alas, the High Priest has annulled our marriage, so you have no home here.

Storm:
But.. you're the High Priest of your state religion.

Black Panther: Yes.  King Henry VIII of England drew inspiration from my ancestor in recreating his own country.  So now I have taken inspiration from him. 

Storm: Well, before you cut my head off you may wish to hear what I have to say about where a certain collection of prisoners is being kept.







CUT TO:  Siberia.


Captain America: Are we sure this isn't a trap?

Wolverine: Storm wouldn't sell us out.  What the - Chuck?

Professor X: Yes, Logan.  I am here to help too.  I can use my telepathy to find the captured Avengers in the hellish maze that awaits us.  It seems that Magik has brought a portion of Limbo to Earth and has set it between where our friends are and where we now stand.

Doctor Strange: I shall use a spell of invisibility to mask us from the demonic underlings!

They try and sneak through the hellish maze.  It does not go well.

Demon #1: Hey... do you smell a party of epic-level adventurers close by?

Demon #2: Yeah.  Heh.  Looks like their wizard forgot that we have ways of tracking them even if they are invisible.  What a rube!


The Demons, Colossus and Magik easily dominate the battle.  Off to one side, Spider-Man looks at the cave and notices that one careful kick could collapse the whole thing.


Spider-Man: Tell Hope I meant what I said.

Iron Fist: Huh?  What?

Spider-Man: Never mind, it - wait, what are you doing here?  Shouldn't you be overseeing Hope's training?

Iron Fist: I thought that's what you were doing?

Spider-Man: *sigh* Never mind just... get everyone out.  I'll hold them off! 




Spider-Man gets the crap kicked out of him but he keeps trying to get up.

Colossus:
Stay down.

Spider-Man:
Can't do it.

Magik:
Quit wasting time holding back, Peter.  Just finish him off!

Colossus:
Don't tell me what to do, little sister.

Magik:
Don't treat me like a baby!

Spider-Man:
Woah!  Kids!  Time-out!  You're siblings.  You should work together.  After all, if one of you fell after coming to blows, we all know what would happen...

 Magik and Colossus eye each other.

 

CUT TO: One Earth-Shattering FA-BOOM Later...

Spider-Man: Right.  Good news I tricked them into blowing one another up.  First law of superheroics - two super-powered people in costumes will start beating each other senseless given a reason to disagree.
 
Captain America: And the bad news?

Professor X: Scott and Emma are now twice as powerful.







PART THIRTEEN

SCENE: The Mystical City of K'un Lun - A Planned Community.

Cyclops: Hope, you're coming with me.

Iron Man: No, she isn't!

Iron Man gets his ass kicked by Cyclops.




CUT TO: Siberia

Captain America:
You should come with us, Professor.

Professor X:
No.  I've turned my back on my people for long enough.  I let all of them - even Ororo - choose the wrong side.

Storm: Professor, I am standing right here.  It is very strange, your talking about me as if I weren't here.

Professor X:
Anyway, Captain - Emma and Scott have fallen.  I must ensure that Mutantkind does not fall with them.



CUT TO: Utopia - Home of the X-Men

Magneto: Emma, I think this is going too far. Sure, I enjoy forcing people to bow before me and sing my praisesWho doesn't?  But-

White Queen: Aren't you forgetting something, Erik?  Like your helmet that blocks telepathic attacks?

Magneto: ... crap.

Magneto gets mind-tasered and collapses.


CUT TO: The Mystical City of K'un Lun - A Planned Community.

Cyclops: Hope, I'm not here to hurt you!

Thor: Lies and chicanery!  Avengers, have at him!


Thor and a bunch of other injured Avengers get their asses kicked by Cyclops.


 
 
Suddenly, Hope and Lei Kung The Thunderer show up on the back of a big red dragon.  This is Shao Lao - the source of the Iron Fist energy.  It breathes green energy on Cyclops, which actually hurts him.


Iron Man: What the - why didn't anybody tell me we had dragons?  Shouldn't we have used them sooner?

Cyclops fights back and brings the dragon down.


Cyclops: That won't happen again, creature.

Lei Kung: You would kill a wounded animal?  You would hurt a little girl?  Where is your honor, Cyclops?

Cyclops: Seriously?  The wounded animal is a mystic beast.  The "little girl" is a 15 year old power mimic who looks like she's at least ten years older than that the way she's being drawn right now.  And I'll be damned if I'm going to listen to a lecture about "honor" from someone who allies himself with the people who broke into my home and beat up my students.  Twice!  Now, come along.

Hope: Stay back! 

As Hope shouts, green energy shoots out of her mouth and wounds Cyclops.

Hope: What the - I copied the dragon!  How did I do that?

Scarlet Witch: It doesn't matter.  I will finish this!

Scarlet Witch uses Chaos Blast!  It isn't very effective!

Cyclops: Nice try, but I'm too powerful for that now.

Hope: Stop this!  Go away! 


 
 
Hope Uses Chaos Fist!  It is super effective! 

Hope: What did I just do?  Where did Cyclops go?


CUT TO: The Moon

Cyclops lies in a smoking crater.

Cyclops: Ow.

The Watcher: Get off my lawn, you kids!

 
CUT TO: The Mystical City of K'un Lun - A Planned Community.

Captain America: What happened while we were out? 

Iron Man: Hope kicked Cyclops's ass!  And I think I know how.  But the explanation will have to wait for an issue.



PART FOURTEEN

Captain America: Okay. So to recap, all of The Avengers are suddenly healed now.  Somehow.  And I talked the Hulk into joining us.



 
Professor X: While I have gathered most of my X-Men who had given up on Utopia and persuaded them to fight on your side in the coming battle.

Spider-Man: So... your entire plan is just to throw everybody at the Phoenix Two and hope we can win?

Captain America: Yes!  It can't fail!

Spider-Man: Didn't we just discover something about Hope?  And The Iron Fist?  And Scarlett Witch?  And mixing them together?  Or did I just imagine all that?  Shouldn't we utilize them in some fashion?

Captain America: No!  Just throw C-listers at them until they get bored and make a big speech then bring in the heavy guns!  That's The Avengers way.

Spider-Man: So, Professor - any chance the X-Men are recruiting? 





The Avengers/X-Men Alliance go to Utopia.  It does not go well, even with Magneto joining the fight alongside Professor X.

Professor X: I'm sorry, Scott.  I did fail you.  I shouldn't have hidden away from the world.

Cyclops:
Get out of my head!

Captain America:
Scott Summers, you are under arrest for crimes against humanity!

Cyclops:
... what crimes?  You know what - to hell with it.  You want me to be the bad guy?  Fine.  I'm sorry, Emma.

White Queen:  Sorry?  Whatever f-

Cyclops blasts White Queen.

White Queen:
You son of a -ugggggh.

Professor X:
Scott, please stop this.

Cyclops blasts Professor X.

Professor X:
Ack!  I am slain!

Cyclops: I am Phoenix!





PART FIFTEEN
SCENE: The Mystical City of K'un Lun -Three Days Earlier

Iron Man: So, Wanda went crazy and used her powers to change the world with her chaos magic.  Twice.  And the second time she got rid of most of the mutants.  But then The Phoenix came and it created Hope.  The last mutant.  So you have these two forces... like Yin and Yang... the order of The Phoenix and the chaos magic Wanda uses.  Well, at the moment.

Captain America: Tony, have you been drinking again?

Iron Man: Better!  I've found faith!! And I think if we can get Hope and Wanda to work together, we can fight The Phoenix!  Now, what we'll do is throw all the C-Listers at the Phoenix, like usual.  But we're really going to have a real plan the whole time! 
 


CUT TO: Utopia.  Now.

Cyclops kicks everyone's asses even as the heroes scatter around the world and fight him in multiple places at once.  Cyclops still kicks all the ass there is to be kicked.  

Cyclops: Throwing all the other heroes at me at once?  I thought you'd have come up with a different plan if not a better once.

Hope:
We did!

Iron Man:
You see, if Wanda uses her chaos magic against the Phoenix and Hope copies Wanda's powers and MIXES it with her Iron Fist training....

Spider-Man: Wait, wait, wait... so you're mixing some kind of magic that I thought we agreed didn't exist and getting a mutant who copies other mutant's powers to copy that... somehow... and then channeling that through magical punches?  That doesn't make a bit of sense!

Iron Man:
It doesn't have to!  We have faith! 

The Phoenix Energy flows out of Cyclops as Scarlet Witch and Hope punch him. 

Everyone:
Yes!

The Phoenix Energy suddenly flows into Hope.


 
Everyone: Noooooooooo!

Hope: It's okay.  I can use it now.  I can fix all this.

Scarlet Witch: No, Hope.  WE can fix all this.  Say it with me.

Hope: Oh, okay.

Both:
No more Phoenix!

Energy washes over the Earth.  We get a montage of scenes of people around the earth suddenly manifesting powers.

Spider-Man:
Hey guys!  I'm in China!  This girl just grew wings!  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  Also, how did I get to China?  Hello? 





CUT TO: A Prison Cell.  Sometime Later.


Cyclops: I don't remember anything past a certain point but I remember enough.  I nearly destroyed the world and I killed Charles Xavier.

Captain America: Among other things.

Cyclops: Well, I'll take full responsibility for all of it.  But everyone else deserve mercy.

Captain America: You're not in a position to ask for anything.  Emma Frost, Colossus, Magneto?  They all have to answer for what they've done.

Cyclops: Magneto?  He was fighting for you at the end.

Captain America: Was he?  Oh well... the point is that I get that The Phoenix was responsible for most of it.  And I admit that you had a point about my not doing enough to help Mutants in the past.  But that changes now.

Cyclops: Well, good.  I guess this is a happy ending for us both then.

Captain America: Don't you dare try and call this a win!

Cyclops: How can I not?  I was right about Hope and The Phoenix the whole time, wasn't I?

Captain America: Well, yes...

Cyclops:
And if you or Logan had gotten your wayearlier, The Phoenix would have killed us all, right? 

Captain America:
Probably...

Cyclops:
And if it hadn't been for you all getting involved in our business in the first place without bothering to consult me or even try talk to me like a civilized person and offer to help rather than storming in with your gleaming jackboots, saying "we're taking your adopted daughter and this isn't a request..." 

Captain America: Okay, okay.  But you still killed your spiritual father and one of the finest men I've ever known.

Cyclops:
Yes, and I regret that and would trade places with him if I could.  But there's mutants again.  And everything we did as the Phoenix Five - all the power plants and farm land and fresh water?  That's still standing, right?

Captain America: Uh... there's no reason why they shouldn't be.  Damnit, this IS a win for you, isn't it?

Cyclops: Hate to say I told you so...

Captain America: No you don't!

Cyclops: No, I don't.

Green Arrow #22 - A Review

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The cover of Green Arrow #22 boasts the premiere of "The All New Count Vertigo" and it does deliver on that promise.  Yet there is much more here that will please classic Green Arrow fans.  Things like brand new trick arrows - like the Mapping Arrow that allows Ollie to scan an entire area and give his tech support team another eye as they watch his back from afar.


The new Count Vertigo isn't the only somewhat familiar figure that Jeff Lemire has brought back from comic book limbo to torment Oliver Queen.  This issue also brings about the return of a familiar female assassin, whose approach had already been heavily hinted at.  Though her relationship to Oliver this time around proves quite different, it is just as complicated as before.  More surprising is the first appearance of a Seattle crime boss named Billy Tockman - a name Arrowheads will recognize as that of the original Clock King. 


As always, Andrea Sorrentino's artwork is excellent.  Indeed, it would be reason enough to buy this book even if Jeff Lemire's scripts weren't equally amazing.  This is one of the best books on the market today and a must-read for all fans of low-powered superheroics as well as The Emerald Archer himself.  Green Arrow hasn't been this good in years!

Earth 2 #14 - A Review

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Earth 2 #14 is largely set-up for the long-awaited confrontation between the new generation of Wonders and the forces of Apokolips that have been lying dormant for five years.  Naturally they come into conflict with their superhuman rivals in the World Army but this issue does give us the first glimpse of a larger team forming from both groups of superhumans.  We also get our first good look at one of the World Army's "Red" soldiers - a mysterious archer called The Red Arrow. 



This series has become a bittersweet read for me.  Oh, it's as grand as ever - don't get me wrong.  But knowing that we're coming closer and closer to James Robinson's final issue does cast an aura of melancholy over the whole affair, though I'm sure Tom Taylor will prove capable of filling Robinson's shoes.


Thankfully, the art of Nicola Scott and Trevor Scott is bright enough to rid me of any ennui I might feel in the wake of Robinson's departure.  The vivid detail of Nicola Scott's pencils brings each panel to life, showcasing her artistic versatility as we see her use subtle stylistic differences to depict how The Flash fights compared to how Green Lantern or Doctor Fate does it.  The effect used to blur The Flash's panels while showcasing his speed is particularly effective. 
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